Diving in....

I'm not much of a writer. Every time I try to write (even if I am the only one reading it), I end up scrapping the paper because I am too critical of myself. With that being said, it has been extremely difficult this past 15 months to deal with a chronic illness that forces me to take one day at a time and accept my limitations. However, I've come to the realization that if I am going to sustain my marriage and my sanity, I am going to have to find some way to unload without dragging everyone around me down with me... particularly my poor husband who has been unbelievably supportive.

I'd also like to use this blog as a health log. I have had a hard time recognizing any patterns in my illness. Is there a trigger for different symptoms? Can dietary choices help?

I'm not a doctor. I can only use my prior knowledge (which consists of only a few college biology classes) and my common sense to guide me in what seems to be fairly uncharted territory. Most doctors don't recognize lyme when they see it. When it is finally diagnosed in many cases, doctors disagree about how to treat it. For those of us who continue to experience symptoms, the uncertainty can be overwhelming. I know that the bacteria has spread throughout my body causing inflammation. I know that the borrelia bacteria can drill through tissues and hide in hard-to-reach places. But, after 6 months of antibiotic treatment, is the bacteria continuing to cause the inflammation or am I dealing with a residual autoimmune response? I don't know.

These last two weeks have been particularly bad. I started new medication (low doses of minocin, herbal supplements, and vitamins) and had a nasty sinus infection. I had cluster migraines for 3 days. Now that the sinusitis has subsided, I've been extremely dizzy and experiencing vision problems. Yesterday, the dizziness improved, but the pain and twitching worsened. It seems like it's always something. Something always getting in the way of being the mother I'd like to be for my daughter, the wife my husband deserves, and finishing school so I can help take care of my new little family.

Enough venting. The facts are that I can accept that it is autoimmune and try steroids or believe that the bacteria are still present in hard-to-reach places and continue with antibiotics. Steroids might help alleviate the symptoms, but they will set me back if there are still bacteria present. They will not cure me. I know there are people who have gotten better with long-term antibiotic use. I think at this point, my best option is to try the new two-month protocol and hope those little buggers are still in there and that the minocin can get to them. If this doesn't work, I also have the option to try IV antibiotics.

Tomorrow I'll tackle my lyme history for my health log.